


A Series of Controversial Juxtapositions

by Pureblood_Muggle, SAYS



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 01:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15037637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pureblood_Muggle/pseuds/Pureblood_Muggle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SAYS/pseuds/SAYS
Summary: For Tamara -- Little glimpses into how Lily and James interact in their final year at Hogwarts ***Written for the SAYS Facebook Fic Exchange 2018***





	A Series of Controversial Juxtapositions

**Author's Note:**

> Who is this for?: Tamara  
> Yoohooo!! I really, really hope you'll love reading this as much as I loved writing it for you. I know you asked for canon pairings, and I thank you for leaving everything wide open as to what exactly you'd like. Jily has been my favourite pairing for an eternity now and it's been as long since I wrote them. xxx

A Series of Controversial Juxtapositionings

Hogwarts, 3rd November 1977

Lily Evans sat in the corner of the Gryffindor common room and sighed for the umpteenth time. The noise really was unbearable. She glanced up as another cheer rose up from the crowd around Sirius Black. Honestly, they really ought to know better than to play Never Have I Ever, with Firewhiskey shots by the looks of it, on a Thursday night, and in front of the junior years to boot. 

And Potter in the middle of it, like the great old peacock that he was. 5 more minutes. She’d give them 5 more minutes; it was Sirius’s birthday after all, but then she’d put a stop to it. It was obviously too much to ask of Potter to do the decent thing. Just another reason why she couldn’t understand Dumbedore’s insane decision to make him Head Boy.

Giving up her Transfiguration text as a bad job, she sat staring at her watch. Four and a half minutes left before she’d yet again be the frigid goody two shoes, while he’d continue to be the golden boy everybody loved. It wouldn’t matter though, she knew she was right and she wasn’t going to let any gossip stop her. 

With another heavy sigh escaping, she closed her book, put it neatly onto the pile in front of her, and straightened her back. Nothing for it, might as well get it over with right away. Determined, she got up and walked towards the rowdy crowd.

‘Whoop! I win!’ 

Loud cheers rose to a roar as people congratulated Sirius Black, clapping him on the back and exclaiming how they never once doubted him. No doubt it had to do with the fact that Black could hold his liqueur better than anyone his age ought to. His pure confidence in himself also made very few people call his bluff. Lily doubted his reputation was fully deserved. Yes, Black was moody, broody, and an incorrigible flirt, but from what she could tell, he was more hot air than hot experience.

‘Well done, Black,’ she said as she arrived at his side. ‘Now please, for once in your life, do the right thing and stop any further partying until the younger years are in bed. Fifth year and up only. Come on guys! Party is over for anyone younger! Off you go!’

‘Oh Evans, you wound me. And on my birthday, too.’ He put his arm around her shoulder earning Lily a few glares from other girls in the vicinity. She rolled her eyes. Not many students followed her directive yet either.

‘Come on, have a drink in my honour and loosen up.’ 

Lily eyed the glass with suspicion but took it anyway. ‘I will, after the younger ones are gone.’ She sniffed. Firewhiskey. 

‘You heard the lady! Off to bed if you’re not in fifth year or higher! Don’t make me go all Head Boy on you.’ 

Lily glared at him. Potter hadn’t even raised his voice, sounded like he was disgusted by what he was telling them, and yet they all complied. The bastard had everything in hand. It just wasn’t fair. Her glare caught his eyes. She held his gaze, downed her drink in one and clunked her empty glass onto the table with some force. She took some satisfaction in Potter’s jaw hanging open and the fact that she managed to not wince as the alcohol burned down her throat. Without further comment, she removed Sirius’s arm, turned and retrieved her books. Then she fled up the dorm lest she’d cough in front of the boys and lose face.

An appreciative whistle followed her retreat, accompanied by a biting remark by Potter that she couldn’t quite make out.

Hogwarts, 26th November 1977

The buzz at breakfast was quite something for a Saturday morning. Of course, it wasn’t just any Saturday morning. Today was a Quidditch morning. Gryffindor were to play Slytherin in the first match of the season and the rivalry, as usual, stretched far beyond the pitch. Quips and taunts flew back and forth between the students as quickly as the Bludgers were sure to do later on in the day. 

James trudged into the Great Hall and barely suppressed a yawn. Rotten luck for the first match to be scheduled the morning after a full moon. No matter what Remus had pleaded though, he wasn’t going to leave his friend and had stayed up most of the night, frolicking around the Forbidden Forest. Tired he might be, but he was sure the inevitable adrenaline would see him through the match. He was their captain after all, he had to be present and an example to his players.

He snorted to himself. If Evans would hear his thoughts now she’d fall over laughing. In her eyes he’d never be an example except to show how not to do something. Unconsciously, his eyes strayed to her again. She sat, like a bright beacon against the dull winter morning, sipping black coffee and laughing with Marlene McKinnon. He had stopped pretending long ago. He knew he was in love with Lily Evans. He also knew that she was anything but reciprocating. His hopes of showing her a side of himself that she so far hasn’t acknowledged were dwindling by the day. Their being Heads together was more difficult than he had imagined. She gave not an inch, he followed her lead but couldn’t fight the impulse to jump ahead, leading the students who looked to him before her in Head matters.

James sat down across from Marlene and helped himself to scrambled eggs and toast.

‘Morning James!’ Marlene was entirely too cheerful for him today. He grunted in reply. ‘You’re not hungover again, are you, James?’

‘No, Marley, I’m not.’ He used that name on purpose, knowing she’d hate it. It never failed to annoy her.

‘Oh Jamie, not so short with me. Keep your grumpiness for the pitch later, I’ve two galleons on Gryffindor beating Slytherin today. I depend on you.’

‘Don’t worry, we’ll win,’ he paused shovelling eggs into his mouth to flash her a quick grin.

‘Great! I’ve to go see Alice, back in a moment.’ Marlene jumped up leaving James to his eggs and Lily staring into her coffee.

‘She’s too happy in the mornings,’ James mumbled, more to himsef than to Lily, but she looked up at him now.

‘So are you, Potter, normally. I imagine it was a long night last night.’ It wasn’t a question, which made James pause for only a heartbeat. He quickly masked his surprise by flashing Lily a blinding smile. She didn’t smile back though her cheeks coloured a little while her gaze never wavered.

‘What are you on about Evans? You saw me go up early.’

‘While I won’t even pretend to know when you go to your bed or what you do in your room, it’s evident that you stayed up long after. Maybe you didn’t and I misjudged you after all.’

With that she finished her coffee and stood. ‘Good luck at the match, Potter. Don’t let us down.’

James could only stare after her, for once in his life speechless. What was she inferring? Did she know they left the school, or worse, did she know why they left the school? He’d have to talk to Remus. Or maybe not. Maybe Remus would only worry more. Shit. This really wasn’t what he needed right before playing Slytherin of all houses.

Her veiled compliment never even registered in his mind.

Hogwarts, 25th December 1977

Lily woke up early to find gifts at the bottom of her bed. Her parents had sent her a new dress, and a voucher for a book store, along with a new camera and several rolls of film. She resolved not to be disappointed that her sister hadn’t sent her anything, again. Instead, she opened another present from Marlene and Alice, a new book she’d been eyeing up for a month now. She wished the other girls had stayed as well, but it wasn’t to be. Lily was the only girl in her year who stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas. Somehow she needed this, needed to be here one last time before she had to face the world outside these safe walls. 

With a grin stretching from ear to ear and her camera dangling around her neck, she arrived in the common room along with the four boys calling themselves the Marauders. Much to the other boys’ amusement, James wore a cheesy Christmas jumper with a big reindeer on the front. Lily thought it suited him though she’d never admit that out loud.

‘Morning, gentlemen!’ Lily called out jovially. ‘Happy Christmas!’

All four stared back at her. Remus found his voice first. ‘Happy Christmas, Lily. You’re in a good mood.’ 

‘I am, indeed. And not even you can ruin it for me. Now, look happy and say cheese!’ She raised her camera and pointed it at them. They all scrambled to look their best, managing to look a somewhat sorry mix of bewildered, happy rogues with cheeky grins.

A third year boy came down the stairs then and Sirius immediately recruited him to take a photograph of the five of them, firmly insisting on Lily standing in the middle, Sirius and James to her right, Remus and Peter to her left. The boy took several pictures, refuting any responsibility of how they’d turn out. 

Their good mood lasted all morning through a congenial breakfast, a quick snowball fight on the grounds and thawing out in the kitchens with hot butterbeer and fresh cookies. 

Lily sat between Remus and Peter, Sirius and James across the table from them. She was content and happy, and dare she say it out loud, she’d had fun all day. Lily swiped some butterbeer froth from her mug, reached out and dabbed it onto Remus’s nose, then continued to chuckle at Sirius’ re-enactment of how he bested James’ snowman at the great snowman war of 1975. 

Remus’ voice was quiet next to her. ‘Admit it, you’re having fun with us.’ 

‘I am. You’re right. Who’d have thought it?’ Lily looked over at James and Sirius and shook her head. She certainly hadn’t expected it. Remus harrumphed and followed her eyes. Now Peter was being used as the snowman in their re-enactment. 

Quietly, she continued to Remus, ‘How are you? You look tired.’ Remus stiffened a little but laughed her off with a tilt of his head towards his friends. 

‘Of course I am, with that lot keeping me awake.’ Lily simply nodded in agreement. Maybe the boys weren’t so bad after all. She’d certainly envy their friendship if she hadn’t Marlene and Alice almost as close. Lily fleetingly wished she still had Petunia, too. 

Hogwarts, 8th January 1978

‘You’re not fit to speak her name,’ James growled at Mulciber. 

‘You can’t defend your pretty little mudblood forever, you know,’ Mulciber sneered right back at James, his crooked teeth giving him an even more unsavoury look. ‘You’re one of us, Potter, like it or not. There’s still time for you to realise that.’

James flicked his wand, deflecting the other boy’s curse and retaliating with a well-aimed jinx. ‘You will leave her alone. You will show her respect. You will not bother her in any way.’ His voice was steady even as adrenaline rushed through him. He knew he shouldn’t have taken the bait. The Head Boy was not supposed to fight in the corridors. Lily would be disappointed in him if she knew. 

The next couple of minutes were a blur of hexes and jinxes thrown back and forth, leaving no time for snide remarks by either boy. Then a loud bang forced both backwards and each landed inelegantly on the hallway floor. A second later, Lily was standing over them, hands on her hips, three wands in her hand.

‘Have you lost all your sense! You are Head Boy, Potter! Brawling in the hallway! I expected better of you, at least. Mulciber is beyond saving but you! Ugh!’ She threw James’ wand at his feet, then turned and stared at the Slytherin. ‘You. You can pick up your wand in Slughorn’s office, along with detention.’ Without another backwards glance, she marched away, anger radiating from her every pore. James stared after her, feeling barely an inch tall. He’d mucked up yet again, and for what? For defending her. She was right though, he’d admit that, she was right that he couldn’t lose his head like this again. 

***

Lily barely kept her temper in check. How dare he fight with Mulciber. Again. Bloody nitwit flobberworm! Really, she should’ve taken his wand too, and reported them both. He deserved a detention for his idiocy. Why can’t he be realistic? His fights would never change anything. Goodness only knew what set them off this time. She’d seen Potter’s other side recently. His funny side, his caring side when he spoke of and to his friends. For a few short days she’d even considered that she might be a friend of his. And then he went and spoiled it all with another thoughtless display of utter idiocy.

He was only lucky that Slughorn liked her so much or he’d have questioned her much more about why she only reported one student. As it was, it was a feeble excuse to say she only caught one, the other got away. No doubt Slughorn knew she was covering up for Potter. Again.

She slowly made her way along the dungeon corridor and towards the staircase leading to the entrance hall when a couple of voices made her pause. It was ridiculous, really, her being Head Girl and a Gryffindor to boot, but down here near the dungeons and by herself, she felt apprehensive at best. Lily stopped before rounding the corner and listened.

‘Could’ve taken him this time. Bloody mudblood-loving bastard.’ Sounded like Mulciber.

‘Yeah but you let the mudblood get the better of you.’ That sneer cut deep. Severus. No doubt now who and what they were talking about. 

‘I didn’t see her or I’d have taken her too. You were right though, he took the bait faster than you can say Quidditch. Seems Evans is his Achilles heel. We’ll get him, mark my words.’ A chuckle, then, ‘maybe we have to take her down first.’

Lily held her breath, now aware more than ever that she was alone, they were outnumbering her, and Severus was not her friend anymore. She closed her eyes and for a moment wished Potter was here to help her. Ridiculous thought as it was.

‘Maybe,’ said Severus after a moment’s pause. ‘Maybe not. Stick to your orders, it doesn’t matter what you want yourself.’ 

Orders? So he was following Voldemort? Oh Severus, she thought. Lily gripped her wand tighter as she realised they were moving, and let out her breath slowly a minute later when she was sure they moved away from her and she was free to go unobstructed.

Hogwarts, 13th January 1978

Over the next few days Lily resolved to seek out James and apologise to him. This was new, this drive to make things right. She’d replayed the overheard conversation in her head over and over again, and could only come to one conclusion: they somehow made James angry by threatening or insulting Lily’s person and he defended her. While she appreciated the sentiment, his methods were entirely wrong but she’d been ungrateful and, after seeing a side of him over the Christmas period that she hadn’t seen before, a less conceited, softer side, she felt it only right to apologise to him for misjudging his motives.

Still, she’d do it in private and face him alone rather than admit to this much in front of his friends. She’d nearly managed it two days ago, too, if it weren’t for Sirius. Lily had been trying to catch him alone since, and had tracked James down in the Great Hall during a free period in the morning but found he was tutoring a first year in Transfiguration. So she’d sat down with a book, waiting patiently for him to finish. After reading the first page she realised she had no clue what the words said. Her eyes had constantly found their way back to Potter and his student. He was different with him. No air of smugness, simply helpful and encouraging, happy when his charge got something right. 

Potter saw her and smiled her way, she smiled back before she knew what she was doing. It was odd but it didn’t feel wrong. Until Sirius brushed past her, that was, with a raised eyebrow that spoke more volumes than his snide, ‘Evans, this boarders on stalking James, you realise.’ She’d felt herself blush to the roots of her hair and made a hasty retreat.

Yesterday, she’d finally had her opportunity to speak to him in private. Their Heads meeting was set for 8pm in the library to go over the duties of the Prefects for the next week. When she arrived she was thwarted again, this time Remus who was a Gryffindor Prefect sat next to Potter. The meeting went well and all three left for the Common Room together, and with them, another opportunity to talk.

She was determined though and going to try again tonight. She’d been studying long enough and then gone on her rounds with a Hufflepuff Prefect by the name of Helena Renshaw. A quick look at her watch told her it was well past curfew now and she knew that on a Friday night, the Marauders would inevitably still be up. She’d just have to slide James the note she’d written. Short as it was, it took her forever to finish it. _Potter, I need to talk to you in private. Please stay back after the others go up. Evans._ She only hoped he didn’t read too much into that.

The portrait at the entrance to the Common Room swung back soundlessly and she climbed through. The room was almost empty, only a handful of students still sat playing Gobstones in one corner while the Marauders, as predicted, occupied the sofa and armchairs in front of the fireplace.

She could only see Remus and Sirius sitting in the armchairs facing her, Peter was mostly hidden from view in a squashy chair facing away, and James sat leaning back on the sofa with his eyes closed. He was talking so she held back a greeting, not wanting to interrupt but quietly walking over. 

‘I’m right aren’t I?’ It seemed to be a rhetorical question, as nobody answered him. ‘Just took me too long to realise it. I’m done though, for real, this time. I’m giving up. I’ll never live up to her standard. I’m not good enough for Lily.’

Lily’s hand flew to her mouth, the movement attracting Remus’ eyes who nudged Sirius. Both their eyes widened at the sight of her but neither spoke. She wasn’t sure why breathing suddenly became so difficult. All she knew was that she needed to leave. She fled up to her dorm, into the sanctuary of her bed and, without really knowing why, cried herself to sleep.

Hogwarts, 14th January 1978

It had taken a great deal of spellwork the next morning to conceal her puffy, red eyes. So Potter had finally given up the chase. It’s the moment she’d always wished for. Why then was she so upset? Lily took her time going down to breakfast. She knew she was being cowardly but she had a plan now. With any luck, Remus and Sirius didn’t tell him that she’d overheard. Their faces had been identical expressions of horror when they realised she stood behind Potter and had overheard. 

Well, she was a Gryffindor, wasn’t she? Brave and strong. She’d accept this turnabout with grace and embrace it as she always wanted: with ease and a real try to be his friend now that his intentions weren’t questionable anymore.

Lily took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and entered the Great Hall with her head held high and a smile on her lips. Without hesitation she sat down next to Sirius, across from Peter and James. 

‘Good morning. Where’s Remus?’ Lily took a piece of toast and started buttering it. 

‘Forgot a book and went back for it,’ Sirius answered between bites of his eggs.

‘Ah. Pass me the coffee please, James?’ She smiled at him in hopes he’d do as she asked and quickly before her bravado faltered. She held out her cup and James wordlessly filled it for her. ‘Thank you.’

She sipped her coffee in silence aware that all three Marauders were staring at her. This was harder than she thought. Sirius broke the awkward silence first. ‘Prongs, she called you James.’

‘I know,’ he said in reply, his voice hoarse. Lily managed a wobbly smile into her coffee but couldn’t meet their eyes. 

‘Well, this was great,’ she said and grabbed her toast and coffee, got up and left the Great Hall. Lily barely made it through the doors before she downed the rest of her coffee and took off in a run towards her first lesson, well aware that she was blushing so hard that it was impossible to see where her hair ended and her face began.

Hogwarts, 16th January 1978

Lily managed to avoid James for the rest of the weekend. She tried studying for the upcoming N.E.W.T.S but found her mind drifting to James Potter at regular intervals. She really wanted to try being friends with him. Now that he wanted the same thing it ought to have been easy. Except it wasn’t and she wasn’t quite ready to pick apart why it was so hard. Or why her stomach flipped when he smiled unreservedly in the company of his friends. Or why her heart seemed to skip a beat when he entered a room. Or why her hands were clammy at the thoughts of him sitting next to her. 

Oh Merlin, no, how inconvenient.

This Monday morning brought her back into close vicinity of him. After having successfully dodged him for breakfast and actually having had fun with Marlene talking about the latest gossip in Witch Weekly, she found herself in Transfiguration. 

‘Now then, quiet if you please.’ Professor McGonagall cast her usual look over the students and silence fell post haste. ‘As you all know, your N.E.W.T.S. exams are mere short months away. I shall spare you another lecture on the importance of studying and keeping up with your course work. However, today is another opportunity for those of you who struggled with this the last time to improve your work. As you can see, every desk has a teapot sitting on it. You will all use non-verbal magic to turn these into a functional desk lamp.’

Low groans could be heard among the students. Lily’s heart sank. Transfiguration was indeed her worst subject and this would really test her. McGonagall continued with her speech, ‘In order to get everyone to succeed, I have assigned pairs for this lesson. Learn from each other, help each other. Try not to kill each other.’ At this last comment her gaze travelled between Potter and her. ‘You will find your names on the desks, please find your places and begin. You have one hour to practise.’ 

Lily sat down on her assigned chair and pulled her Guide to Advanced Transfiguration out of her bag without comment. 

‘Morning, Lily.’ She counted to five before facing him. 

‘Morning.’ She opened her book and belatedly added, ‘James.’ Oh Merlin it was warm in the classroom today. 

‘Do you want to go first?’ he asked.

‘No, you go first, I’ll need to read this again.’ She pulled a face and reluctantly admitted, ‘I’ve never been good at this.’ 

‘I can help you,’ he said it in a light tone and smiled easily. She blushed and fidgeted with her book, then nodded. He went on to explain exactly how the spell works and what she would have to do if she’d want it to work without saying the incantation aloud. 

Lily couldn’t concentrate though and stopped him mid-sentence, took her notebook out and winced as she heard him turn away, mumbling about only wanting to help her and knowing when he wasn’t wanted.

She really couldn’t concentrate though. Her thoughts were all in a jumble and she remembered she’d still not apologised to him. How silly it all seemed a week after the fact but who knew when there would be another opportunity like this. She slid him a note.

_**I’m sorry, James.** _

She pretended to read her Transfiguration book while she waited for his reply. He didn’t disappoint and a note with a surprisingly neat script came back not long after.

_Whatever are you sorry for, Lily?_

Her heart skipped a beat at reading her name written by him. This really wasn’t healthy.  
_**For doubting your motives. And while I’m eating humble pie, I also want to thank you for standing up for me. To Mulciber.**_

_Anytime. The idiot had it coming. I’m sorry they’re treating you like dirt. You deserve better._

_**Thank you. Again. It is nice to know that you’re my friend not my enemy.** _

_Stop thanking me, once was more than enough. Is that what we are now? Friends?_

Her heart was beating too fast for her liking but she managed to keep her hand steady as she replied again. 

_**Yes, I’d like to be friends, James.** _

_Me too, Lily. Me too._

She managed to smile at him then and he smiled back and after she stowed away their notes, she finally managed to pay attention to what he was trying to teach her with the teapot.

***

That same evening, just as she returned from delivering reports to Dumbledore’s office, Sirius caught up with her.

‘Hey Evans, wait up.’

‘What do you need, Sirius?’

‘What do you think you’re doing with James?’ He eyed her suspiciously. She looked at him in confusion.

‘What do you mean?’ She couldn’t think of anything besides Transfiguration that morning where she had any interaction with him. ‘Oh, you saw us pass notes, did you?’ He simply crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes.

‘If you must know, I apologised for misjudging him, declared my undying love and accepted his proposal of marriage.’ Bothersome fiend. It was easier to put on an air than to admit to everything lest her face would show what she felt that morning.

‘Funny, Evans. Try again.’ She countered with her arms crossed over her own chest. ‘The truth this time.’

‘I meant it. I apologised. We’re friends. That’s it.’

‘That’s it? Evans that’s… Merlin, do you have any… listen. James is like a brother to me. Don’t mess him up now that he’s finally realised you and he will never happen. Don’t play him false, that’s all I’m asking.’

‘We’re just friends, Sirius. Just friends. Is that so hard to believe that I want to be his friend?’

‘No, it’s not. For years we’ve all tried to tell you that being friends with James is a wonderful thing and that you just couldn’t see him for who he really is. I just find it hard to believe that it really is what you want. Sure you don’t just feel a little jilted now that he’s declared himself no longer interested in the fiery Lily Evans?’

Sirius, she thought, was too perceptive by half. She couldn’t admit that to him though, not if she wasn’t ready to admit to herself that she missed the attention. No, she corrected. It’s not attention I wanted. It’s James Potter’s attention. She swallowed.

‘Ask James if you must. All I did was apologise. Believe what you will beyond that.’ With that she left him standing in the corridor and walked away as calmly as possible. Oh good God, she was in deep trouble. 

Hogwarts, 26th January 1978

As life at Hogwarts went, it was remarkable that a tentative friendship between Lily Evans and James Potter gave pause to so many people. Mainly pause for confusion and foreshadowing of trouble to come. Quiet whispers of volcanoes and the quiet murmurs before an almighty eruption reached not only students’ but also the teachers’ ears. The teachers were no less concerned, though some slightly more hopeful of the truce lasting.

Just this afternoon, Lily made a poor first year jump in fright as she burst out an uncharacteristically sharp laugh at one of James’ stories followed by a fierce coughing fit as she fought to not spit out her pumpkin juice all over the table. Marlene wordlessly waved her wand and cleaned up her mess before she had fully recovered. She was still chuckling when another student joined their little group in the Great Hall.

‘Hi James, are we still on for tonight?’ The other student turned out to be a pretty Ravenclaw Prefect by the name of Georgiana Fenchurst. Lily’s amusement died instantly.

‘Hi Georgy, sure. I’ll meet you at your Common Room at 8?’ 

‘Perfect. See you later.’ And with a flirtatious wave and a smile she was gone. Awkward silence stretched between them all. Sirius was the first to break it with a low whistle.

‘Shut up, Padfoot.’

‘Prongs, you outdid yourself. Georgiana Fenchurst, eh?’ His face took on a reminiscing look. ‘She’s the one that got away, you know.’

‘Hah!’ James barked out a laugh. ‘There are plenty who got away from you and are happier for it. Don’t make out she’s the only one who wouldn’t go out with you.’

‘Who says she didn’t go out with me?’ Sirius raised an eyebrow at James and Lily closed her ears to any further banter between them. She suddenly had a great urge to leave. Remus and Marlene were quick on the uptake, and she wasn’t entirely sure if it was a good thing or not that they didn’t even question her hasty departure. They simply went with her to the doors leading outside.

‘Lily, are you okay?’ Marlene’s kind face nearly undid her. 

‘Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?’ She needed to get out though, to Herbology next, at least none of the others shared that subject. 

‘Lily…,’ Remus this time but she held up a hand and smiled at him determinedly. 

‘I’m fine, just need to get to Herbology to ask a few questions before the lesson begins. That’s all.’ And she fled, desperately trying to not let tears fall.

That night she lay awake in her bed with the hangings firmly closed around her, shutting out the world outside. There was no use denying it any longer. That sick feeling in her stomach could only be one horrible emotion: Jealousy. She was jealous. And worse, she had to admit to being more than half-way in love with James bloody Potter. Inconvenient, that. 

She would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so busy soaking her pillow with tears over it all. Damn Potter and his easy charm having found his way around her defences. Damn Black and his speech about not hurting Potter. Damn Remus and Marlene for being so perceptive. She was sure they saw through her. And if they did, did everyone else, too?

She should sleep and forget about it all but every time she closed her eyes she could only see James, his infectious smile, his lips, and him kissing Georgiana. Try as she might she couldn’t help wanting to kiss him herself. And she didn’t want to share him, either. Merlin help her, she wanted him. 

Sleep eluded her long after she had no more tears to cry and when her alarm went off she did her best to at least look presentable.

Hogwarts, 27th January 1978

The coffee wasn’t working. It wasn’t strong enough to stop her from yawning continuously over breakfast, nor did it stop during Charms and History of Magic. It was the first time in her whole time at Hogwarts that Lily Evans seriously considered napping during Professor Binn’s ghostly lecture. And maybe she would’ve done just that if it weren’t for a note arriving in front of her.

_**You look tired, Lily. Bad night? Remus** _

_I couldn’t sleep. L_

_**Not easy to keep going on zero sleep, but you’re doing well if I say so myself. R**_ ]

_Thank you, most gallant of you, kind Sir. She hesitated for a moment, then threw caution to the wind and continued her note. I feel honoured by your assessment, especially knowing that you’re an expert after all your monthly… insomnia._

Remus took a long time to respond then and she feared she scared him off. She hoped she hadn’t.

_**What do you mean?** _

She sent the next note back quickly, with what she hoped a reassuring smile. _I’ve known for a long time, Remus Moony. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. That’s what friends are for._

He looked up at her then with wide eyes and she hoped he believed her. It couldn’t be easy to keep that large a secret from everyone. She suspected that Peter, James, and Sirius knew, not least because their nickname for him made sense to her ever since she’d figured it out.

Just as the lesson ended, one last note came from Remus. _**Thank you, Lily.**_

***

The evening found the Marauders, Marlene, Alice, Frank and Lily around the Common Room fire distributed across several armchairs, the floor and the sofa. Lily sat on the sofa between Remus and James and was leaning her head on Remus’ shoulder. She was so tired by this point, she barely contributed to conversations around her.

‘So when’s the next date, Prongs?’ Peter asked as the conversation about the unfairness of tests before the actual exams came to a lull. 

‘There isn’t going to be one,’ James replied, combing his fingers through his hair. Lily had learned that it was a nervous habit more so than a cocky one. She nearly smiled at that thought. Her brain was slow to catch up on the news that he denied a second date.

‘Why not? The bird is hot!’ Peter asked the question that was on everyone’s mind. 

‘She is,’ he said, then sighed, ‘but there’s nothing else to her. I mean, she’s smart.’

‘Ravenclaw,’ interrupted Sirius, unnecessarily. 

‘But,’ James continued, ‘we struggled to talk. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find anything to talk about.’ Sirius let out a barking laugh.

‘Prongs, talking wasn’t what would’ve been on my mind!’ The others chuckled, Lily barely managed a smile.

‘Well, some of us have standards, Padfoot. Plus, she doesn’t like Quidditch! Quidditch!’ At that indignant declaration everyone, including an incredibly tired Lily agreed that not liking Quidditch was most definitely a deal breaker. 

Lily’s eyes were so heavy she lost her fight with sleep and Remus had to carfully extricate himself from under her, arranged her head on a sofa cushion and followed Frank and Peter up to the dorms. Alice and Marlene also went up, declaring that they should just throw a blanket over Lily, she’d be fine just where she is as neither wanted to face waking her up.

‘Go on up then, we’ll look after her. Fine friends you are.’ James dismissed them and got up to gently place Lily’s legs up onto the couch to make her more comfortable. He took a blanket from the adjacent armchair and draped it across her, tucking her in. He then brushed hair off her face and kissed her forehead. 

When he turned to walk upstairs he started at the sight of Sirius in front of him, arms crossed, eyebrows high in question. Apparently he didn’t fool anyone, least of all himself, about being over Lily. Sirius shook his head ruefully and both went up to their dorm without speaking.

When they entered their dorm, James was sure Sirius was going to give him a right talking to about Lily. But as it was, they were both accosted by Remus before any words could be exchanged.

‘We need a meeting. Now.’

Peter already sat on Remus’ bed, three sides of the curtains closed. Frank could be heard snoring quietly in his bed. Sirius and James joined the other two and even though they were sure Frank was sleeping, cast a Muffliato, just in case.

‘What’s going on?’ James was worried now, these kinds of meetings were never good.

‘Lily, she knows.’ 

‘Remus, what are you talking about? Knows what?’ Sirius asked this time, looking serious for once.

‘Lily knows about my being a werewolf.’ 

All hell broke loose as the rest of the Marauders all spoke at once, none understood over the heated words of each other. Remus closed his eyes in defeat. It would take a lot of convincing to keep them from storming to find Lily right now and to confront her. He let them ramble on another minute before he raised his hands.

‘It’s okay. I’m okay with it. She’s known for a long time. She’s not let my secret slip and she promised to keep it safe. I trust Lily.’ He took a deep breath and braced himself for their arguments. None of which came.

‘Good, I’m glad, because we trust her, too. Don’t we?’ James looked around at each and received nods in reply. ‘We told you this before, Moony, we know you, we know who you are and your furry little problem doesn’t define you. Lily will know this also.’

 

Hogwarts, 28th January 1978

Lily had slept on the Common Room sofa all night and actually felt somewhat rested. Now it was Saturday, there were no classes, and even though she took her text books outside with her, it was a battered copy of Jane Eyre she was actually reading. 

The day was sunny and cloudless and utterly bright but cold. The snow from the previous weeks had all melted, and she sat on a blanket with a heavy cloak around her shoulders and a heating charm to keep her warm. She loved sitting under the old oak tree. It was peaceful here by the lake as not many students ventured outside at this time of year.

A shadow fell over her and she glanced up to see James approaching. He silently sat down next to her and simply watched the lake. She closed her book and followed his gaze across the lazy ripples left by the giant squid taking slow turns. Lily wondered how to begin a conversation, when he cleared his throat.

‘Remus…’

‘I know.’ So he must have told James that she knew. Which meant James knew. She smiled at that.

‘Remus is…’

‘I know, James. He really is. Wonderful. Witty. Funny. Too organised for his own good. So intelligent he should by rights be in Ravenclaw. Loyal to a fault and so very brave. He’s lucky he has you as friends.’

Instead of a reply, James reached out and took Lily’s hand in his. Wordlessly, she intertwined her fingers with his and leaned her head on his shoulder. A contented sigh escaped her lips and it was James’ turn to smile slightly. 

He turned his head towards her and murmured, ‘Go out with me, Lily?’ into her ear. 

He’s asked it countless times before, but never had she imagined herself saying yes. She still couldn’t. So she did the only thing she’d imagined doing for weeks now. She lifted her head off his shoulder, determined and just a little bit shy at the same time. Then she lifted her free hand and brushed his unruly hair out of his face. She smiled up at him then and used a lot of her courage to simply press her lips to his.

Fin.


End file.
